People

People who need people, sang Barbra Streisand, are the luckiest people in the world. My social networks – real and digital – keep my neural networks sharp and focused.

Long before social media, my late brother Chris was an ace networker. Introduced to someone new, he would quiz them with the tenacity of Jeremy Paxman until he found a connection, however distant. It usually began with “Where did you go to school? Uni? What games did you play?”

One evening we took him out to meet a new friend of ours and placed a bet (he didn’t know) that they would identify a mutual acquaintance in less than ten minutes. They did it in less than seven.

The problem was that once Chris had made the connection he just didn’t stop. So many more questions to ask, more people to connect.  He was often oblivious to the fact that we needed to order wine or answer the really important question “Medium or rare?”

Chris left us in 2004 for that great social network in the sky. But I’m sure when he arrived at the Pearly Gates, he quickly established that St Peter’s auntie’s dog’s mother-in-law once read business studies at Orpington College.

Connectors

Chris was a Connector. In The Tipping Point – How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference, Malcolm Gladwell suggests that for change to take place we need people with different skill sets:

• Mavens know stuff and are hungry for knowledge.
• Connectors know people and are always looking for a way to bring them together.
• Salespeople are persuaders and negotiators who know how to get people on their side.

As you may know, I’m not keen on pigeonholes, but these are more accurate than most. I’m not hungry for knowledge – send me to a conference, and as soon as the lights go down and the Death by PowerPoint slideshow clicks on, I’ll be the one nana-napping in the back row. Or better still, scanning the delegate list to target people I need to speak to in the coffee break, and wondering who else I can introduce them to.

Like Chris, I love connecting people. When I’m gone, I want people to remember me for the people I introduced them to and the friendships that followed. People like Keith Haworth, with whom I recently reconnected. In the Eighties, Keith was a founder member of the Stragglers in south-west London, and a regular runner with Serpentine Running Club. We trained together for the best of times (London Marathon) and the worst. After nearly 40 years, the word ‘Horsham’ still brings back memories of a race that brought us to our knees. Keith wrote:

“Although we have not seen or spoken for what must be a decade or more, you have always been in our thoughts. How could you not be, it is because of your Sisters’ Project that I met and married Julie. Believe it or not we have been together now for about 38 years, and we have just celebrated our 33rd wedding anniversary. We have a son Tom (now 29) and daughter Gemma (26) both of whom I am glad to say are also runners.”

The Running magazine Sisters’ Project was an experiment in which we paired up experienced women runners (Big Sisters) with rookies (Little Sisters) to help them through their first steps. Julie did so well, she outran her Big Sister in the inaugural event. She joined Serpentine, met Keith and the rest is history. They are both still running – Julie has also represented Team GB in age-group triathlon. It gives me a warm glow to think I brought them together.

Energy

As I sat down to write this piece, a tweet pinged in from Gavin Mogan, from Dallas, Texas. Gavin is a personal trainer who has lived with Parkinson’s for 14 years. Like me, he is an enthusiastic advocate for the power of sport and exercise in managing our condition.

“I realized today how much I need people. How much I rely on that energy and physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual stimulation. Love and compassion, known a while. Hugs, smiles and laughter more recent. The power of giving and undivided attention, under development.”

“My neurologist asked me what cues me to be able to, at times, escape Parkinson’s. I’ve experimented with this long and hard. Ultimately being in the presence of people is the best method for getting the energy I need. People are both the reason why and the how to.”

I think Gavin can add ‘psychic’ to his long list of talents – with some people I wonder if I need the internet at all. When he is not shooting basketball hoops, he is also pretty nifty with a lawnmower. During lockdown, with his client base dwindling, he started offering garden services – pruning, mowing, clearance – in his neighbourhood. He connected with people who were otherwise isolated and lonely. It was win–win – he got the buzz that comes from pushing a lawnmower and engaging people in conversation while his neighbours had tidy, spacious gardens they could spend more time in, soaking up vitamin D.

Connection is vital for people with Parkinson’s because loneliness can make Parkinson’s symptoms more severe. In a study of 1,500 people with Parkinson’s, a team led by Los Angeles neurologist Dr Indu Subramanian found a clear connection between loneliness, lack of exercise and poor diet. They concluded that the negative effect of loneliness on the severity of Parkinson’s symptoms was as large as the positive effect of exercise, which can (it’s certainly worked for me) help to delay progression.

Neural and rural

When I’m out with a bunch of people I love, I can quite easily forget I have Parkinson’s for a couple of hours. One of my favourite groups is the Penrith Rural Women’s Network. This is a happy band of entrepreneurial women who create and promote wonderful experiences, beautiful things or tasty treats here in the Lake District. We share our energy – I try never to steal it, always to recycle it into something bigger and funnier. For me this started as a business network, but I’ve made lifelong friends who have come the extra mile(s) to support me, especially in the last three years. You know who you are.

Play > People > Barbra Streisand