Hakuna Matata (no worries)

What do you do if your parent is diagnosed with Parkinson’s? Give them nothing to worry about. This Mother’s Day I salute my daughter Rosie, and the ‘problem-free philosophy’ that helps her to help me.

Since my diagnosis of Parkinson’s nearly two years ago, my daughter Rosie has instinctively found the right things to say and do.  Her ‘no worries’ approach is reassuring and practical. She has many perspectives, and an ability to switch between them to match the circumstances. She is a mother herself, to an active, funny and compassionate toddler. And she is a hospital physiotherapist who has seen life on the COVID front line. She says:

 “Because of my professional background, I didn’t feel as helpless in the face of your diagnosis as some people might have done.”

We have our moments. There was an episode called TagMelt – tagliatelle meltdown – in which I burst into tears over a family meal. Neither pasta nor salad was staying on my fork long enough to reach my mouth. It probably looked amusing, but it wasn’t funny at the time. Rosie switched into health professional mode and rescued the situation without drama.

Here are some tips for people for whom a parent has been diagnosed with Parkinson’s.

Live your life: Don’t drop everything just for this.

Do your own research: Find out as much about the condition as you can, and about how it may affect your parent.

If you are upset: Seek out your own support team of friends and colleagues.

Remember, your parent hasn’t changed: Parkinson’s is only one facet of their identity. If they’d always had long hair and suddenly cut it off, they would still be the parent you have known all your life and shared silly jokes with.

Applaud their achievements: Think of all those times they sat through your school concerts or froze on the touchline.

Don’t always make Parkinson’s the first thing you talk about: If you get to the end of the conversation and it hasn’t come up at all, that’s a bonus.

Keep them up to date with digital: If there’s an app or website you think they might find helpful, or an inspiring tune, show them how to access it. Or if you think they are visiting sites and social media groups that are making them feel miserable, track down more uplifting stuff, and positive role models.

Find out when (and when not) they’d like help: When we travel together again, I would rather Rosie booked the AirBnB and the restaurant, just in case I press a button and book us all in for the wrong month or the wrong country. If I want to do something for myself, I will say so.

Work on positives: When Rosie was 10, her maths teacher said: “If you aim for 99%, that’s all you’ll get.” I call him to mind when I think about how my days used to be. I was taking one pill a day ‘Extended Release’. It was meant to last me from 8am till bedtime. I was lucky if I survived beyond 2:30pm before lying down and doing nothing – not sleeping, not meditating, not reading – just pure apathy. I didn’t notice this creeping up, but Rosie could see I was limiting my ambitions by saying “I’ve only got till half-past two”.

Now, with new meds three times a day I’m Carpe Diem central, both lark and owl, keen to fill every moment of every day. No worries.

Image by Tim Tentcher from Pixabay

Play > Hakuna Matata > Lion King soundtrack

The ‘problem-free philosophy’ of Hakuna Matata ‘means no worries for the rest of your days’. There is also passing reference to passing wind, which is something of a family in-joke. The Lion King is our favourite Disney animation shared across two generations (and now some interest from a third, when we can tear her away from Moana).